Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I AM Dancing!!!

Psalms 30:11
“You have turned my mourning into dancing”

As many of you know, this scripture has been my mantra the past 2+ years. It wasn’t that I ever questioned “if” I would “dance” again, but it was a question of “when” I would dance again. Well, seems that time has come. I believe my life is “dancing” at last.

As the holiday season is in full swing, so is my holiday schedule. This weekend was Chandler’s birthday and from the sleepover Friday night to the family party Sunday, I should be exhausted. What I found for the first time in a long time, was that instead of being exhausted I was experiencing----joy. Yes, I have much to be joyful about this season, but I don’t think I have taken the time to claim it. This fact hit me this weekend as we were laden with that last minute cleaning before family arrived for the birthday party. In the past, it is during these highly taxing moments that the stress-monster brandished its ugly head and I turned into some kind of panicked, control freak----not so this weekend. Today, I know why---I was dancing and didn’t even realize it.

I tend to be a bit high-strung—ok—a lot high strung. I am not as bad as I used to be; however stress does escalate the condition. Don was always able to temper that character trait and have a calming effect on my spirit. Without that mitigation the past two years there have been times I have felt a heightened sense of anxiousness and lack of control. It tends to suck the joy right out of the moment.

This weekend, for the first time in over two years, I felt balanced—like my life has finally fallen into a rhythm, which will carry me into the next chapter of my life story. It is an exceptional place to be. I am not only open to the joy of the season, but also to the prospects of what’s around the corner.

Love has found its way into my heart once more and laughter fills the rooms of my home again. Though there have been many changes in my life, my heart is at peace.

It is true ---- I am dancing.

This I know for sure.


Annie said...

That's great. I am really happy for you and you deserve to just dance yourself silly this holiday.

Shelly said...

To know that others get their chance to dance again....that gives me hope....may you enjoy this new season of dancing...

I hope to dance again soon too....

Tanja said...

What a wonderful post Marsha, I'm so happy for you!!

Friski said...

I'm so very happy for you, Dancing Girl! :-P

I have so many moments of happiness, but I've had just a few glimpses of pure joy. My hope and prayer is that joyful times will come again in the future.

I am thrilled for you because of the peace of happiness you have found!

All my love,

P.S. My favorite message in grief support was when Valerie Bell talked about "dancing with a limp". (Basically, stating that even though we are in pain and healing, it is OK to enjoy life and dance a little.)

During her message, she shared a funny story about how she never danced in her life. Her mother used to write notes to get her out of the dance time in gym class, because she didn't believe it was appropriate. For years, Valerie sat in a chair on the edge of the gym watching her classmates. She wanted to get out there, too ... it didn't seem wrong to her.

Fast forward to her high school reunion ... Valerie was sitting with her husband (who happened to be a pastor), and a classmate stopped by to chat. He asked if she wanted to dance. She was so torn ... should she go? Her husband encouraged her, and she walked to the dance floor with the man.

As they were dancing, she could feel that all eyes were on her. (Picture the old E.F. Hutton commercials.) After some small talk, she asked the man about his line of work, and he told her that he was an executive with Playboy enterprises! Needless to say, she immediately realized why they were a bit of a spectacle on the dance floor.

They laughed about it and had a great time. She said that she was out there dancing for several songs ... her friends would grab her hand and keep her out there as each new song began to play.

So, anyway ... I hope that wasn't an "I guess you had to be there" story. :-P I think she is a fabulous speaker, and I always love her messages.

Marsha said...

Ahhhh my widda friends,
I am so fortunate to know and understand each of you in different ways---thank you--for your part in my ability to dance again, for without each of you---it would have been impossible. Linda, I love that story---it reminds me of an earlier post of mine:
I want each of you to know how much you have meant to me along this journey and will continue to be---