Thursday, April 24, 2008

A Grief Revisited


I want so desperately to be a guiding light for other widows. My widow support system has been such a huge part of my own healing that now I want to give back. What I find, however, is that because I have remarried---my sage guidance seems less significant. I think what I have to bring to the table is discounted because I am no longer a member of the “club”, but that is so far from the truth. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t still mourn and deal with some aspect of my grief. There is a section on the YWBB for those “Beyond Active Grieving”. Recently, there was a post about this very topic.

To which I responded:

I think this section of the board just may be THE most diverse. As a group, we seem to land all over the place on the grief spectrum. Some have seemed to move on quicker or more smoothly--others seem stuck and are fighting to move on--others are stuck and perfectly willing to stay there--some have seemed to move on only to realize they have NOT. It is difficult to put into words that we STILL, and forever will, live within the parameters of our grief. I find it more difficult now to put what I am going through into words. On top of that, I worry that I will offend someone who is not at the same place, or make someone feel bad about where they are on the journey. I rarely start threads anymore and perhaps that is the reason. I never thought much about it until you posted today---interesting isn't it.

Or is it….or is it simply God’s way of continuing to connect us as members of a community? One thing I want to make PERFECTLY clear is this fact---we ALL still grieve. Those of you who are in the peripheral of a widow(er)—know this—grief does not cease to exist because our life circumstances may change. It continues, perhaps in a different form, but it continues…

This I know for sure…

4 comments:

anniegirl1138 said...

I am sorry you are feeling marginalized at the board. You do have much to say and offer and probably your words find more reception than many are willing to openly acknowledge.

I think everyone knows that grief doesn't end with new love or remarriage but that particular forum is not the place where you are going to find open acknowledgment of that fact very often.

Elaine Williams said...

One thing I've realized for myself in life, each new situation we enter in our life, presents its own unique set of circumstances. How can anyone expect us to forget or even want to erase the past? It is what made us who we are. Just because we have joy again doesn't diminish last years, etc., anguish and pain.

Shelly said...

Marsha,

Your words and wisdom have been a blessing to me and I suspect they will continue to be....thanks for all the many times your words have resonated with me...

Shelly

Tanja said...

ahrrrggggggg Marsha!
This is so silly. I feel I don't really belong there because I haven't moved on and got remarried, and you feel you don't belong there because you did do that very same thing.

The truth is, I still very much care about your advise, your words always mean a lot to me.
Don't ever forget that.

Tanja