In two weeks I will become a stepmother. This realization just hit me today for some reason. Upon recognizing this fact, I immediately did what any other educated “soon-to-be” stepmother would do. I hit the Internet and Googled everything I could on the subject. I entered; “blended families”, “adult stepchildren”, “being a successful stepparent”, even “how to blend adult children”. If it could be researched, I read it. The conclusion of my investigation is that step parenting, although may have it’s own intricacies, is not all that different from parenting in general especially where adult children are concerned.Though they are adults with lives of their own, I have grown to love Kent’s children.. They seem to have accepted me as I have them. I appreciate them as individuals and hopefully they have embraced me in the same way. One advantage to becoming a stepparent at this stage in life is that I get to be a part of the kid’s life as they embark on adulthood. Perhaps this is a good state of affairs
I wonder if they think about having a stepmother? I wonder if they have expectations or worries that I should be aware of? All of a sudden these questions seem to swirl around in my head.
I want Kent’s children to know that I love their father and by doing this I choose to love the ones he loves. I want them to know that I respect and honor the life they had before me and will always hold it in high regard. I pledge to learn more about each of them as unique individuals with exceptional promise. Most of all they need to know how determined I am to be the kind of stepmother they need.
I am not naive. I know that adult children like to make their own decisions, yet often their choices affect us sometimes in positive ways and at times in difficult terms. I know that any valuable relationship is worth the hard work it takes to grow. I know that there will be bumps in the road and times when the relationship will be strained, but I also am resolved to do what it takes to make the bumps less and the joys great. I look, with promise, to the opportunity to blend two families into one strong unit. I am gong from being a single mother of two to a married mother of six and grandmother of one-How blessed is that?
This I know for sure...
4 comments:
Very blessed indeed but as you mentioned - not always easy. You will be wonderful although you may not always feel that you are doing as well as you should (but being a "real" parent is often that way too, eh?)
A grandchild already. It's the one thing I try not to think about too much. I still feel too young for that but as Rob pointed out to me, if I didn't highlight my hair - people would assume I was Katy's grandma.
I am not sure the statement, "just hit me today" is truth. Now, I would not call you a falseacator under any circumstances. I have had the opportunity to observe you with Kent's children and have thought how well you were understanding the need to be a stepmother (certainly not their mother). You interaction with them has left them to be who they are and allowed them to watch you as their fathers "Love". You have done well over the months to encompass them into your love for Kent (the two cannot be estranged).
Testing the water about your skills at this is simple...Ask Kent. Who knows his children better than he?
It aint bad being a grandmother...as you mother.
I don't have any wise words, as I have never had to deal with this myself, but I know you will do fine. With love, you can make it all work. I wish you so much happiness with the whole bunch!
Tanja
As the grown daughter of a dad who is now remarried, I have a lot to say on this subject--and not all of it positive! :)
But having had the privilege of getting inside your head and heart a bit through this blog, I feel safe in saying that you're going to do just fine. The fact that you're even asking the questions proves just how much you care--about Kent and his children. Yes, you are blessed. And so are they.
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