Sunday, September 09, 2007

When Life Becomes Surreal???


Sometimes I look at my life like it really isn’t my own—like I am looking at a painting created by someone else. Who finds the love of their life at 18 and then loses him to death and has a chance again via technology to experience love again? Please allow me explain…

I met and fell in love with my husband when I was 17. We had 24 years as husband and wife and I treasure each and every one of them. Then, my worst nightmare became a reality when he passed away in 2005. We had talked many times about the life we wanted for the other if death were to visit. Thank goodness we had those discussions. They went something like this; “I want you to move on, to be happy and make solid decisions for your future and that of the children---more than anything—love and live again.” We would follow such discussions with “isn’t this talk silly—it isn’t going to happen to us”, but it did. I watched the past two years as if my life were some Lifetime movie.

I am looking at my two year “sadiversary” since Don’s death. A golf tournament, created in his memory, is next weekend. It is a great honor and I look forward to the memories. YET, here I am—so very fortunate to be given a second chance at love in this life, but afraid somehow?

I met a wonderful widower who seems to be a perfect “fit” for me as a 46 year old woman. We have many of the same interests and “loves”—he sings, which has always been something I love, he travels, which has been my dream, he is outgoing; which is what I need in a companion at my age, he is an amazing Christian man and my family adores him, but most of all he seems to love me. Though I still look at my life as if it were some movie—widow finds widower who understands and loves completely—I am afraid to claim it??? Hmmmmmm….why is that????

I find myself once more viewing my life as if it were not my own and I wonder “what is my problem”??? Sometimes I feel as if my life is some kind of crazy reality show---but it isn’t---It is my life—it is the sum of choices that I have made to move forward and it is who I am today. SO—I am consciously moving forward. I am exploring what “chapter two” has for me. I honor the memory of my love with Don and am thankful to what the past has enabled me to bring to a new relationship.

Surreal may be where I began, but “real” is where I have landed. I choose to move forward—to find a new beginning for myself and for my children—I choose to LIVE. I choose K—I hope he chooses me…..there---it is now documented…

This I know for----yes, SURE…

13 comments:

K--- said...

Our journeys started similarly, with a nightmare. Each of us experienced a loss as great as anyone should have to bear. We of us has been left behind by the one who was the closest and most loved by us. And yet... over the past year we have moved from nightmare to surreal to dream and now to reality. “Real” is where we have landed and I too choose to move forward, to find that new beginning for myself, my children, you and your's. Just as you chose me (as you have told me in the past), I choose you! There, now I've documented it also. ILYMTYWEK

Shelly said...

wow.....thanks for sharing this part of your journey....it gives me hope....so happy for you...blessings to you....I have to admit there is a tinge of jealousy too....

annie said...

I am so happy for you both. "Real"? What is real really? If you step too far back from life, any life, it will seem like a movie. Like you are watching yourself. Better to live in the moment. Remember that each one is precious. And be happy.

Congrats!

Pentha said...

Am I mistaken, or did Marsha just propose? and did K just accept?

::happy grins::

annie said...

Propose? I didn't think about it that way, but it does seem to be a proposal.

Marsha said...

No guys---Marsha doesn't propose to boys---
LOL

Pentha said...

Drat! :p

annie said...

Oh well, it was a wonderful post and a equally terrific reply and I am happy for your happiness.

Trish said...

Marsha may not propose to boys, but BOY does she know how to lay down some pretty hefty hints. LOL!! You two are awesome and I am so happy for you!!!

Trish said...

ps. I think the whole "surreal" thing happens when life gives us more than our minds and our hearts know how to handle. It is like an out of body experience. We have experienced horrific emotions, then we have experienced happiness where we thought happiness could not exist.

I'm glad to see you are now feeling in the moment and are enjoying the blessings you have been given!

Tanja said...

Marsha,

this is so romantic! So sweet, so very beautiful!
I absolutely loved this post.
You two deserve all the happiness in the world, and I'm glad you made a choice to live and to be happy.
One day I will come to you, and you can help me with my thoughts, with my moving on.

Love,
Tanja

Marsha said...

Trish,
Once again you are "the wise one" and have been such a beacon to us---

Tanja,
My phone is always on and available to any wida who needs me---esp. those I admire as much as you---call anytime.

Love you all,
Marsha

Anonymous said...

Choosing one another sounds like one heck of an obvious thing to do from way up here. So.... whatcha gonna do about it??

(I understand the surreal feeling, all of this widder journey has that sense. But your next steps look pretty darned real to me! I love being a witness to this, you two. It is so life affirming!!)

Margaret