Friday, September 28, 2007

A Letter at Two Years


My friend Tanja recently wrote a letter to her husband on her blog-I found such solace in reading it that I decided to steal the idea to commemorate the two year mark since my husband’s passing. Please indulge me this one time:

Don,
Today marks two years since I last kissed you, hugged you or told you I loved you. I am terribly grateful that I was able to do that one last time. I am thankful that our relationship allowed for constant affirmation of love. You have been missed so much these past two years, yet your legacy has remain a constant reminder of your life and what it stood for.

You wouldn’t recognize the boys at this point. Our oldest son is in college and thriving. He has a lovely girlfriend and I find that he loves her as he saw you love me. There is adoration and pride whenever he speaks of her and they seem to be the very best of friends. He reflects so much of your spirit. He has taken the responsibility of “head of the house” yet still allowed himself the luxury of being a young man. He has bought a new car—which I find to be quite ugly, but is his pride and joy. We tease him that his new car is a toaster on wheels and that parking it in the garage is a problem because when the “Pop Tarts” pop from the top, they will hit the roof of the garage. You would not have liked the vehicle either, but would have understood his feelings toward the car because you felt the same way about that ’79 Camero (which, by the way, was MUCH cooler). He plays your Martin guitar often even though he doesn’t play with ‘the band’ anymore. He loves that guitar and takes special care of it. You would be proud.

Our youngest has had trouble adjusting to middle school. We have been racking our brains trying to figure it all out. I especially wish you were here to deal with the issues at school, so that I could continue my professional relationship there. You had the ability to make the rigid more open-minded and boy are we dealing with "rigid" right now. I would like to blame his non-conformity to the time of year or his aversion to adjusting to new situations, but I know what you would say. You would say, “Marsha, he is YOU---duh---this middle school stuff is not “fun” enough for him. Just relax, he will come around and hopefully school won’t ruin him” and of course, you would be right. He has become very sensitive to the spiritual aspects of his life. You would be proud of how he responds in church when he is moved. We sang together in church last month and it was a moment of great pride. He has an amazing voice and I think will discover this to be a talent to cultivate. In band, he is playing the drums, following in his brother’s footsteps. He still views life as “glass half-full” and remains true to his word no matter what.

Chelsie misses you. She did from the beginning. Even the vet told us that she was in mourning. We attempted to make her feel better by getting her a doggy companion who, in turn, bit Riley and….well---ended up in a new home. I don’t think Chelsie minded too much. She enjoys being “top dog”.

We moved to a new home not long after you left us. We live in the community we talked about moving to for years. My only real regret is that you didn’t get to live here. You would have loved the walking paths and the sporting opportunities so close to the house. We are enjoying riding our bicycles and walking to the baseball field. The house is a two-story structure which wouldn’t have thrilled you, but you would have liked the neighbors, as they are friends we have known for years. The ping-pong table is set up downstairs, but doesn’t get used as often as it should. We do think of you each time we play.

We are thankful of our memories, and strive to live for today and have hope for a future. The love legacy you left has allowed us to continue to grow through our grief. We miss you, but cherish the many wonderful memories that have allowed us to speak of you often in a loving manner. Your life has allowed us to continue ours. I get emails from Erica every once in a while. They always make me smile as she reminisces snapshots of memories from IP. Your mother is still a major part of our lives. We don’t get to see her as much as we would like, but that is because of our busy schedules. I know she misses you and your dad, but has become quite independent. She has even met some widow friends of her own. You would be proud of her, just as we are. She is a great source of comfort to the boys and to me.

Though there have been some disappointments in the male-role-model department and some promises that haven’t been fully fulfilled, I believe the boys have found their way. I have had to be enough at times and our oldest has assumed some responsibility. This is not a bad thing. It has made us all more self-sufficient.

We still laugh a lot, play games, root for the Cardinals and the Illini, watch old movies and allow music to continue to define our lives. We think and speak of you daily—always in the most fond and loving manner. We have hope for a future that will be filled with continued love and peace. More than anything, we acknowledge that God has been faithful. He has heard our cries for solace and answered—not always as we expected, but always fully and completely. So on this, our sadiversary, we honor you and the special place you reside in our hearts.

With Eternal Love,
Marsha

11 comments:

Alicia said...

***sigh***

I write letters to Nick in a little book I bought for the purpose; they are usually just brief notes on important dates, but sometimes I pour my heart out to him. It does bring such comfort and consolation.

Hugs to you my not-yet-met friend.

Linda said...

Beautiful.

That is the word that comes to mind when I read your wonderful letter, Marsha.

I can't think of anything else to say - the lump in my throat is somehow preventing the words from leaving my fingers.

I love you, my dear. I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. You are one year my junior in this widow world. It will be so nice to see you on this, our shared weekend of great reflection.

All my love,
Linda

TigereyeSal said...

This is very lovely, Marsha, as was Tanja's letter to Siep. One day I hope to reflect as lovingly on my late husband...

Sally

my3angels said...

I found at two years that sitting down and writing a letter to my husband was so healing and helped me to feel like I still had a connection with him. I just put my heart into it and wrote to him as if he were sitting there with me.

Marsha, I'm so glad that you and Tanja are able to write these feelings out. While it's hard to do, there is something so freeing about releasing those feelings and communicating to our spouses.

Take care my friend on this weekend of your sadiversary. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Andrea

Annie said...

That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Evan and Julia said...

Ah, hell, I miss him so much! Love you Marsha.

Shelly said...

Thank you for sharing your letter...like everyone else it touched me as well...

Blessings and Peace to you...

Tanja said...

((Marsha))

Writing the letter brought me solace, I hope it did to you too. A feeling of peace, to let him know how all is going down here.
I'm so very thankful that we can walk this difficult road together.
One day I hope we can share some smiles and tears in person.

Tanja

JoyfulNoyze said...

Marsha,
Tears are all i have right now, they are streaming down my face as I write this...what a beautiful and loving sentiment to Don.
You write so beautifully, yet I can hear the words in your voice as I read them.
You have been amazing these past two years, and stronger than you will give yourself credit for.
Love you, Sis
Christy

Kent said...

Marsha,

As I sit here barely able to see the screen through the water I realize that I will always be amazed at your ability to put into words things that most of us have trouble speaking about.

Your love for Don and the kids is so obvious and in putting it into words you have spoken not only for yourself but also for those who words have escaped. They are words of love and of comfort.

Thanks for speaking them.

K

Janis said...

Marsha....I'm so proud of you. I pray for you and the boys. I speak of Don often, he was such a good friend. Thanks for being the wife you were to such a wonderful man! He loved you and the boys so much! Every time I make Pumpkin Gems I think of Don and his last request of me. Thanks for showing me the support at Adam's Funeral this last June as Don would have done.